Oct 2Member-onlyNo, I Do Not Offer Happy EndingsI’ve joined Instagram to promote my work as a massage therapist. The weird and wonderful things I’ve seen in just a month….crikey. I was not ready to reenter social media, y’all. I do not think that has any bearing on my ability to reenter “polite society”, mind, but I still…This Happened To Me6 min readThis Happened To Me6 min read
Jul 25Member-onlyWhere Has Auntie Been?I have had one hell of a day at work. Yes, that’s right. I went back to work. I am now massaging again at a salon in the Southside of Glasgow. Some of you will know that I had to stop massaging because of Covid 19. I got so wrapped…3 min read3 min read
Jun 12Member-onlyClean BEFORE Your BBQ, KarenI was recently invited to a bbq* at a friend’s house. When my family and I arrived, it was the most digusting scene imaginable. I have known her for over a decade and have overlooked some untidiness in the past. But this….this was on a scale of filth that showed…Bbq6 min readBbq6 min read
May 21Member-onlyI Dream of RestaurantsI have a complicated relationship with food. In the years when most of you would go home for a meal from Mom or Grandma and feel yourselves reset, I had no one to go to but the restaurants that were used to me dining alone. If I had the money…Dreams4 min readDreams4 min read
Apr 30Member-onlyAlmost Made It To DawnI don’t fucking know. What can I tell you, mate? The world is a sublime mixture of godawful fate and excellent cheese. There is shitty cheese, but we don’t talk about that. Godawful fate, however? Yes, lawd. We are gonna talk about that. I went out in the dark night…Scotland4 min readScotland4 min read
Apr 22Member-onlyBitches, I Ain’t Gonna Die TodayWhat it’s like getting a cancer check done by the NHS in Scotland in 2023. I recently had my breast and a bit of lymph tissue biopsied by the beautiful, wonderful, awesome taxpayer funded NHS in Scotland. No cancer found. All that biopsy for a whole lotta nothing makes me…Nhs4 min readNhs4 min read
Mar 16Member-onlyTits On Fire, Rolling Down the RoadI’m dreading the doctor’s office after the experience I had the first time there was titty trouble. My breasts are sore. I woke up yesterday and had a swollen, hard lump in my left breast. The supposedly healthy breast. I had a benign cyst in one breast last year and…Breasts3 min readBreasts3 min read
Mar 15Member-onlyBeing Shat Upon From A Great Heightor: Tessa Commented On My Article So this morning, I woke up crying to myself about my sister, how she’s spent a lifetime taking what’s hers and what’s mine. I woke up frustrated that my kid has fucked up the period key on my keyboard and so writing is even…Jewish3 min readJewish3 min read
Mar 12Member-onlySound and Fury in the British IslesI’ve never been so desperate to see an election come. Keir Starmer might be a plate of uncooked dough, but I’ll take it. Give me anyone but a Tory, please G-d. Whatever is happening here has been happening for a while. It’s starting to stink to high heaven now. The…UK Politics4 min readUK Politics4 min read
Feb 18Member-onlyRoald Dahl’s Being Edited Off His Own PagesPuffin Books hired Inclusive Minds to adapt Roald Dahl’s childrens books into “acceptable” works for the modern age. For instance, they removed the word “fat” from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. They changed many passages of The Witches to appear more woke and inclusive. The Guardian also wrote about…Censorship3 min readCensorship3 min read